Being authentic

You have probably heard at some point in life the most common advice – just be yourself. Don’t try to pretend to be like someone else and don’t act fake, because you cannot keep up the front for a long time and at some point, the mask will drop. It sounds good in theory, but very often people struggle to adapt that approach in practice. In my opinion, partially it comes back to a person not knowing their true self and who they actually are. So that part would be a great starting point, in case you aim to untangle this mystery of ‘being yourself’. But what does it actually mean ‘being authentic’?

If you research the word ‘authentic’, the results you get sound something like ‘of undisputed origin’, ‘not a copy’, ‘genuine’. According to clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula, authenticity is very much a person, who lives in alignment with their meaning, with their purpose, with a sense of self-awareness and with an accurate appraisal of their strengths and their weaknesses. An authentic person knows exactly who they are, but they don’t think it makes them any better or worse than anyone else. They don’t allow the strengths to escalate them into grandiosity and don’t let the perceived weaknesses allow them to fall into a pit of despair. They tend to be relatively well emotionally regulated, however able to engage in appropriate and vulnerable shows of emotion – all in all, very self-possessed people.

As I go through life, I try to do my best to surround myself with authentic people and would definitely recommend you aim for the same. Life around or with them tends to be more peaceful and there’s a lot to be learned – such person might challenge you in some ways and I definitely enjoy that. Authentic people are interesting, because things don’t seem to ‘get under their skin’ as much. Almost as a rule, authentic people don’t take things personal – they will take an objective criticism as worth of looking into, but that won’t make them question themselves. An authentic person didn’t necessarily have an easy life, in fact it might be exactly tough circumstances in life that made them or allowed them to become that way. It is easier for an authentic person to recognize an unnecessary noise in certain situations and distance themselves from that, because they’ve experienced that previously and can assume where that might lead to.

An opposite or a completely different person from that would be a narcissist. You probably already have an idea of what a narcissist is, but just to sum it up – they are known for a validation-seeking behaviour, attention-seeking behaviour, love-bombing behaviour and being manipulative amongst other things. An authentic person is usually immune to these types of traits and it won’t work on them – it’s almost like they are on the opposite poles of the spectrum. Being authentic requires a lot of work and being such person means you know when to step away and remove yourself from a situation that is no longer serving you.

To put this in simple words, ask yourself, if you only engage with people, that you actually enjoy being around. Do you stay in situations longer than what is comfortable for you or tolerate a behaviour, that is not acceptable. Saying ‘yes’ to other people too often might mean you are saying ‘no’ to yourself. Recognizing these traits and actively removing them from your life will absolutely create a more peaceful and enjoyable experience.

Strive for authenticity and authenticity will strive back for you.

Love,

Faja